I was supposed to go to the gym this morning. My bag was packed and everything was in place for me to do so, then I woke up and realized that my butt still hurts super bad from Monday’s workout. I crawled out of bed at 5 a.m., took stock of the situation, cancelled my boot camp attendance online, and made a pot of coffee.
I then proceeded to feel terribly guilty. This wasn’t part of the plan! How could I cancel? What an awful thing to do! I’m going to be a big fat failure! Wah wah!
What. The. Hell.
Eventually I realized how dumb the whole thing is. Just whose timeline do I think I’m operating on here, anyway? This isn’t a race. There’s no reason I should feel bad about building my fitness up slowly and on my own schedule. I wouldn’t tell a friend to go work out if they felt that putting more strain on their sore bits could push them over the edge, so what am I doing? Building up a pile of angst over nothing, that’s what.
Despite all of my progress over the past six months, I still get in my own way by creating stress in my life that need not exist. Things that should be minor letdowns become major hurdles in my mind, and I find myself getting stuck thinking about them instead of simply finding a solution and moving forward. I’m not unique in this respect; I often hear of other people doing the same thing. But to what end? What are we even doing, you guys? Is it really so hard to just let yourself live a graceful, low-stress life?
I don’t know, but I’m going to try.