Five Alarm Funky Times (or: Sober at a Funk Show)


I celebrated Canada Day by dancing myself stupid with some friends at The Pyramid. Mariachi Ghost and Five Alarm Funk were playing, and since Jackson and I both had Tuesday off for the holiday, we decided to see if FAF lived up to their reputation as a band that absolutely must be seen live. Spoiler alert: THEY DID. 

Holy shit, you guys. It was a sweaty, ridiculous, amazing MESS of a good time. Most of the shows I've gone to since giving up drinking have been held in concert venues rather than in bar/club settings, so it was a fun exercise for me to see what differences the experience held sober vs. drunk. So, without further ado, I give you my list of Sober Observations: Funk Show Edition

1. It actually hurts when people stomp on your feet or fall into you while crowd surfing. I am by no means complaining because hey, I chose to dance near the front of the stage and I knew the risks. I just never realized before how much getting stepped on actually hurts when you are sober enough to realize it’s happening. I mean DAMN.

2. Beer farts are the worst. There was one dude in particular (you know who you are, bro-in-the-white-shirt-who-may-have-shit-himself-for-real) who seemed to be playing “crop duster” with his gaseous emissions whenever he made his way across the crowded dance floor. I don’t know if I wasn't noticing this kind of thing before because I was too busy drinking or because I was a smoker and couldn't smell anything, but yeah. Again, DAMN.

3. Dancing is actually really, really good exercise. I don’t think I stopped moving for 3-4 hours, and since all I was drinking was calorie-free water and soda water with lemon (YOU FANCY, HUH?), I’d say that counts as enough cardio for a day or two. New exercise regimen? Perhaps (and I’m only half joking).

4. I’m not as awkward as I think I am. I used to tell myself all sorts of stories about how I needed to drink because otherwise I was super socially awkward and blah blah blah. Yeah, sure. Whatever. It turns out I’m only as awkward as I tell myself I am, and nobody is paying any kind of attention to or judging me when they are busy making a sweaty, ridiculous, funky mess of themselves anyway. 

5. Whether I have a good time or not is, for the most part, completely up to me. Getting used to being around drinking without partaking myself has been one of the biggest adjustments of abstaining, and staying positive when surrounded by obnoxiously drunk people is key. It all comes down to how I choose to frame the situation. I could whine and complain about how “these people are drunken idiots, how annoying” or I can think “ha, this is hilarious, everyone looks like they’re having a good time”. If I go in with a commitment to “live and let live”, focusing on the fun and ignoring the rest, then I’m almost guaranteed to have a good time. Which I did. Because FUNK.

So there you have it. I think I had a better time sober at this show than I would have had drunk, which at one time I would never have imagined to be the case. It’s all in how you approach it, I guess!