I haven’t felt much like writing lately. To be honest, it has been a bit of a struggle just to get through my days with anything resembling a little bit of grace. And that’s OK, really, because in my experience these restless and anxiety-filled interludes are almost always fuel for an upcoming change or big push forward. Sometimes I think I just don’t have it in me to be comfortable and settled down. Sometimes I think I like it that way.
For the past 10 months I’ve been learning what it means to work in a small nonprofit. I’ve had the privilege of gaining experience in all aspects of a small NPO and identifying the areas I thrive in (and the ones I do not). It hasn't always been easy, but it has been a great learning experience so far and one that I am glad to be continuing into the new year.
The greatest thing I’ve learned about myself in the past two years is that I am more capable and unwilling to settle than I ever would have imagined. Being effective and making an impact in my work has become incredibly important to me, and over the past few months I’ve begun to feel the need to specialize my skill set a bit if I really want to dig in and be an asset - not just in my paid work, but in volunteering in the community as well.
It has taken years for me to understand the value of delayed gratification in education; of long-term work in knowledge and skill building. It’s amazing what human beings are capable of when we stick to a thing for a long period of time; how we can become proficient at or ridiculously knowledgeable about something just by putting in a reasonable amount of effort over months, years, and decades.
So I’ve been plotting and planning my next moves, making decisions about just how much of myself I'm willing to dedicate to reaching my next goal(s). Because that’s all it comes down to, really; how many little comforts and frivolities am I willing to give up to chase down a big goal? How much time am I willing to spend? How much do I care about being really, really good at something? The answer is quite a lot, actually.
Which is all just a long-winded way of saying that I have the beginnings of a plan for furthering my knowledge base and skill set in the new year. I don't want to share any details until I've finalized and set them in motion, but I will say that I’m excited and nervous and, as always, eager to get started.